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Fear vs. Love

(5 minute read)

I have learned that there are two major motivating forces in our lives;

  1. Fear

  2. Love

Fear is an integral part of our lives, it is a survival tool and allows us to run when we feel in danger; but when fear takes over our lives it makes us pull back from life, it makes us close our shutters and not let the world in. It tells us to stick to what we know.

Don’t write that book.

Don’t go travelling.

Don’t start that relationship.

Don’t take that risk.

Fear paralyses us into inaction so we are stuck just where we are.

Love on the other hand drives curiosity and passion.

When we are able to open up our hearts to the magic of love, we also open up our hearts to vulnerability and pain and struggle, but without love we don’t get to feel the true excitement of life. We don’t get the opportunity to truly connect with another’s soul.

We so often struggle to love and be loved because we forget that the one person we need to love first is ourselves, in all our glory, with all our flaws.

If we cannot truly love ourselves, then we cannot fully open up our ability to whole heartedly love others and embrace life with them.

But falling in love with ourselves is so hard, especially the imperfect parts we have been trying to hide for so long; but if we are courageous enough to love those parts, it opens us up to another level of happiness.

Here are my top tips to start the journey of self-love ;

1. Forgive yourself for past mistakes

We all have made bad choices, that doesn’t make us bad people, that makes us human. Confront those demons and talk them through with people you trust and gently let them go.

2. Set clear boundaries

Boundaries should be set for others and yourself; if someone is doing something that makes you unhappy, evening if it is someone you love, you need to be able to tell them what you expect. Internal boundaries include health, emotional and mental and help us not to assume responsibility for other people’s problems and prevent their opinions effecting our self worth.

3. Do at least one thing every day that makes you happy

We spend so much time looking after everyone else, making the kids lunches, cleaning the house, doing the washing, going to work; that sometimes our happiness is last on the list. Whether it is reading a book for 20 minutes, taking a bath or getting your nails done, it is so important that you do something every day to make you happy.

4. Don’t worry about the opinion of others

No matter what we do, somebody somewhere will always have something negative to say about who we are of what we do, but we can’t let that affect us. We can spend our lives waiting for others to validate us only for it to never happen, the only person’s opinion that really matters is our own.

5. Show gratitude

Every day on awakening and before going to sleep think of something you are grateful for, something you are thankful that it is in your life; it could be a person, a place or a feeling, just try and make gratitude a habit.

6. Make yourself feel great

Wear clothes that you look fabulous in, hang out with people that lift you higher, do things that push you outside your comfort zone … if you make an effort to do things that make you feel good, life lifts you up and you are more open to love.

7. Loosen up a little

Don’t worry so much, if you can’t change the situation then there is literally no point in stressing about it and if you can change the situation then get to work. We don’t always have to have a plan, we can just go with the flow and see what happens.

8. Be the most kind and loving person possible

When we show life our love, life will tend to love us back. When we show kindness to others, we notice more kindness in the world. Whatever we give out comes back to us eventually, so be the most kind loving person as you can possibly be.

We are so dependant on other people loving us right, but it is us who shows them how we need to be loved. So spend timing doing things you love, in places you love with people who help you love yourself a little more.

Live life fully

Rachel x